remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
