Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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