Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
