I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
