brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Someone signed my nipple.
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