Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
