did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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