last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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