so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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