The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Randomize
