so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
