Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my poor anus
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
