3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
