So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
