We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
