just come out here and I will go home with you...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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