He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
