Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
