my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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