Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
