Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
