I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
