If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
