Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
