just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize