Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my liver is dry heaving
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
