Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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