You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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