his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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