I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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