We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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