just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
