Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
