I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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