I met the friendliest cop last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize