she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
