just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
