Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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