So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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