i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
