My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
