Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
