Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
