I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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