i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
