she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
