somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize