If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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