I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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