please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
