So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize