I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
