Will you blow on my dice?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
