he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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