You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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