It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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