Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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