Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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