It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
