and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
