You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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