do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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