So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's the barista slut.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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