No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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